I guess I need to catch y'all up on some things.  Lets rewind to May 11th.  I spent the night before drinking daiquiris over the fact that I would be having a hysteroscopy soon and that we had failed to conceive.  The afternoon of May 11th I woke up from a nap with Connor and decided to take yet another pregnancy test.  And it was positive!  I have never gotten a positive test so late in my cycle.  On the 13th I called Dr Nick and he ordered for me to get my beta HCG tested as well as progesterone levels.  It was a whopping 24.  24.  So that means when I got the positive on the 11th it was only like 12.  And supposedly FRER's aren't positive till 25.  It wasn't looking good at all.  I continued in my crazy fashion to POAS to see if the tests were getting darker and thought they were.  My second beta on the 15th was 67!  I was pregnant! 

I continued to get betas drawn, but by the 21st the doubling time had slowed way down.  Dr Nick was starting to get concerned.  He wanted me to come in for an early ultrasound, but we were on vacation with Mike's family.  I was at war with myself between hoping for good news and trying to convince myself to accept that this wasn't going to work out.  Wednesday I finally had my ultrasound.  It showed a gestational sac, yolk sac, and subchorionic hemorrhage (SCH).  Dr Nick told us that one of my labs had come back abnormal.  I guess I have a PAI-1 4g/4g mutation.  From what I understand about it, my body doesn't break down clots right.  In order to negate this, I need to be on blood thinners for a successful pregnancy.  Dr Nick said because of the SCH, I couldn't be started on the blood thinners.  The plan for now is to go back on June 5th for another ultrasound to see if there is a heartbeat.  If there isn't one, I will have my answer and will miscarry for the fourth time.

I keep flip flopping back and forth between, being ok and positive, and completely falling apart.  Not knowing sucks.  I'm so tempted to call Dr H and try and get an ultrasound before then.  But if I don't see a heartbeat what will that get me?  Stuck at work knowing I have another dead baby.  ***sighs***  Hopefully these next few days fly.  I wish I could be one of the lucky women who are oblivious and have no idea that bad things happen in pregnancy.

First RE appointment

Finally!  This morning I had my first appointment with Dr Nick.  I'm glad going into it that I knew he would push IVF thanks to V.  Otherwise I would have been really caught off guard.  After explaining our history to the nurse the doc came in.  I had told the nurse what I do for a living so right away he talked to me in a respectful way.  He acknowledged all my research and that I understood his terms.  He asked if I had any of our babies tested for genetic problems.  When I explained that Dudley told us it would be next to impossible since the baby had died so much earlier he basically called bullshit.  He said that is the old way of thinking and its possible to get genetic information from one cell.  I could kick myself I'm so mad.

He said that we had two options.  He STRONGLY recommended IVF (surprise surprise).  Our other option is to do aspirin and lovenox when I get pregnant again.  When I told him I just ovulated he said if I'm not pregnant in two weeks we will do a hysteroscopy.  He also ordered a few more labs that Dudley didn't order and a karyotype for Mike.  He was more concerned with that my ANA was speckled and said he hoped that I didn't end up with SLE.   He also said that with mostly negative labs that its likely the reason I've had multiple losses is genetic and that's why he pushed the IVF.  I had an ultrasound in the office which confirmed that I did ovulate yesterday.  It also showed some possible scar tissue.  When he was looking at my lining he said it looked "ok".  He pointed out that it should be the same width all the way around, but the posterior side of my uterus was like a jagged line.  So the hystersocopy will rule out scar tissue or if its there, he will try and remove it.  With having a C section and 2 D&Cs in the last two years I was scared that it would be a problem.

All in all I'm really happy with how it went.  Dudley always makes me feel like I'm crazy and nothing is wrong.  Dr Nick acknowledged the issue and gave us a plan.  When Mike commented that my charting actually was correct, Dr Nick complimented me on being informed.  He also said he gives nurses an $1000 discount on IVF lol.

Rheumy update

Well I finally had my follow up appointment with the rheumatologist. He said he wasn't concerned with my sed rate since it wasn't extremely high. The CH50 being high didn't matter because they look for low results. My rheumatoid factor came back positive though. He said it was barely positive so he called it borderline. He said he thought something was going on, but he's not sure what so I'm supposed to go back in six months to see if my numbers have gotten worse. No concrete answers again. He also mentioned that like 4% of the population has these results and no disease so I could be part of that percent.

My stress level has been through the roof unfortunately. Since going full time I now have to be able to scrub. This has been a major area of stress for me in the past and nothing has changed. Hopefully once I do one c/s then I can stop freaking out about it.

I see the RE in a week. I'm strangely excited for it.

TMI

Sometimes too much information is not a good thing.  I got impatient and got a copy of the labs that are back from the rheumatologist.  My ANA was still abnormal, this time it was speckled as well.  My sed rate was slightly high and my CH50 was abnormally high.  So chronic inflammation is what I understand of it.  Great.  Now I wait till the 18th till I can see a doctor and figure out what to do next.  I am having a really hard time sitting out this month.  I just can't do it.  So I think I'm going to talk to Dudley about taking some baby aspirin.  I may just take it on my own.  Why is having babies so much easier for my patients?

A Visit with the Rheumatologist

Today was finally my appointment with Dr M.  I actually liked him.  He was very straight forward, but not in a rude way.  Though he asked what my OB thought was causing the MCs and I said bad luck, he said that was the best scenario.  I don't agree.  A simple fix would be the best scenario.  But I digress.

He started off the appointment looking at all the labs I already had drawn.  He asked if Dr H has mentioned putting me on prednisone and when I said no that was kind of the end of it.  I'm going to bring it up to Dr H next time I am able to talk to him at work.  He tested all my joints and my strength, which I did fine of.  The only other symptom I have that matches lupus besides the ANA is a sore on the roof of my mouth.  He ordered a bunch of labs, some that already were drawn, to rule out an auto immune problem.  He also said sometimes normals with come back as abnormal or vice versa which multiple draws, so I'm curious to see if anything else shows up.  Still hoping irrationally for that simple fix.  He said I don't fit the typical mold of a lupus patient, which I already knew. 

The cool thing about his office is that they have a lab right there so I was able to get drawn right after my appointment.  My name was messed up so hopefully I don't have to deal with lost tubes again.  He told me 3 weeks wait for results, but the tech said 10 days.  I like 10 days a lot better.  He did say he would call me if anything funky showed up.  But I doubt he would unless it was something huge like my PT/INR was messed up.  So 15 tubes of blood later, I'm sitting here eating some broccoli and rice with no more answers than I had when I woke up today.  TTA is starting to really suck.  Hopefully we will get some answers between this next appointment and when I see Dr S on the 24th.

ETA:  In case I want to look back....this is what he ordered. 
CMP, RPR, CBC, CRP, ESR, FREE T4, TSH, ALDOLASE, CPK, PT/INR, PTT, ANA PANEL 9, CHROMATIN AB, ANTI NUCLEAR AB, ANA BY IFA, RHEUMATOID FACTOR, CCP, CH50, C3, C4, THRYOGLOBULIN AB, MICROSOMAL AB, LUPUS ANTICOAG, BETA 2 GLYCOPROTEIN, ANTI CARDIOLIPIN AB

Skinny Minny

For some reason the year I turned 22, it was like my metabolism stopped.  I never had to work out, I was just naturally thin.  I could eat whatever I wanted and never had to worry about gaining weight.  One thing I did do, was if I was really upset, I just wouldn't eat.  Oh how I miss those days.  I recently started a Biggest Loser contest with some fellow Feb12 mamas.  Week one I'm in last freaking place.  LAST PLACE!  So since last Friday I've become a woman on a mission.  I've worked out every day, I decreased pop to almost nothing (gasp) and have been trying to eat around a 1400 calorie diet.  I've lost that pound I gained and hopefully will lose more by Friday, the next weigh in.  I have all those jeans from when I was thin that are just sitting there waiting for me.  I figured I could use this blog to track my progress in that as well.  Its a blog of many names I guess.  So starting March 1st I was 149.6 pounds.  Currently I am 149.4.  Not a loss to be proud of, but I had gained some in there.  My first goal is to be 140 lbs.  But my major goal is 130.  And here's some before pictures to encourage myself.

A Step in the Right Direction

Well....I missed two doses of my Zoloft and ended up crying in the bathtub last night.  I hate that I need these meds to function.  I have already gone from bad mood to good mood to bad mood again in the four hours I've been awake.  Awesomesauce.

I did finally make some progress though this week.  I ran to lab when I was working on Wednesday and asked for the to look for my protein C results.  They still said pending so Nikki (my fave lab tech) said she would look into it.  Turns out that Cleveland Clinic lost it.  Um come again?  So I ended up getting redrawn that evening.  She said I would have results in 1-3 days.  So hopefully by Monday. 

I also called and left a message asking if he made the appointment with and MFM for me like he said he would.  Nope he didn't (big surprise).  He said he talked to the MFM and Dr Hnat said I wasn't an appropriate patient for an MFM and to see a RE.  So ever since this third loss I have been pushing for that, but he keeps trying to talk me out of it.  He even mentioned in the voicemail he left me how insurance wouldn't cover anything.  I had Mike call our insurance and visits will be covered.  We have to call and get approved for any labs or tests.  So take that and shove it.  I called this morning and the earliest they could get me in to see the RE is April 24th.  :(  I'm trying to focus on that this will give me more time to focus on me getting better emotionally.