After a long "conversation" with Mike on Saturday night. I started taking my Abilify and the lowest dose of Zoloft. Its amazing how in one little day my mood can completely change. I'm still losing my temper too easily, but I'm not angry at the world today. Part of me feels like I failed. That I couldn't give our future child that chance of a life because I can't go off my meds. However, what's the point of having another child if Mike and I get divorced? I started my birth control. Hopefully I will be able to get myself to a good place while we're waiting for the rheumatologist appointment.
Its funny the way my mind works. Most people would probably be freaking out about the possibility of having an auto immune disorder. I don't even care, because that would mean I would have an answer. A concrete reason why we've lost so much instead of just "bad luck". Maybe even a reason why I am always so tired and sore. That its not in my head.
At the beginning of the month I started a weight loss competition with some fellow February moms. If I actually get off my butt I have a chance of winning 250 bucks. Getting to a size four has got to make me feel better about myself right? Now I just need to convince Mike to go with me to work out.
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